Craving Calm, Steady Love? Here’s How to Build It From the Inside Out

Hey there,

Welcome back to The ABC of Mental Health—your pocket-sized pitstop for insights, tools, and therapy truths. This week’s theme is one that echoes in therapy rooms all the time:

"I just want love to feel safe and steady."

If you’ve found yourself craving love that doesn’t feel like a rollercoaster but more like a quiet beach, you’re not alone. 

If this resonates, forward it via WhatsApp to someone else who’s craving a love that nurtures not depletes.

One relevant recommendation:

🌀 Watch: Signs of Healthy Love (30 second reel)

Not all love is about grand gestures—sometimes it’s about the steady, grounding kind that feels like home. We made a reel just for that. If you’re wondering what healthy love actually looks and feels like and how it’s different from codependency. 

Two Quotes to Reflect on:

📚 Bell Hooks, author of All About Love, on internal healing:

“When we can see ourselves as lovable, we free ourselves to love others with trust and authenticity.”

Vienna Pharaon, therapist and author of The Origins of You, on relationship patterns:

“The way we show up in relationships is a direct reflection of the wounds we carry and how we’ve learned to protect ourselves.”

Three TherapyShorts from TST

1. Attachment Wounds Are Not a Life Sentence
   One client recently shared how “secure” love used to feel boring compared to the highs and lows they were used to. Through therapy, they began to recognise that their nervous system confused chaos with connection. The real turning point? Learning that stability is not the absence of passion—it’s the presence of peace.

2. You Attract What You Normalise
   Often, we long for grounded love while tolerating hot-and-cold dynamics because that’s what we were taught love looks like. We have often seen these dynamics play out at home, and so it feels normal. When you start valuing emotional safety—not just intensity—you begin making space for people who meet you with consistency, not confusion.

3. Self-Abandonment Won’t Lead to Connection
   If you keep shrinking your needs, playing it cool, or overextending in hopes of being chosen, you’ll constantly feel empty. Real connection starts when you stay connected to yourself. One journaling prompt that helps: “Where do I feel the urge to make myself smaller in love—and why?”

A QUICK CHECK IN…

What do you value most in love today? 

Vote here!

Last week, we asked about your biggest feeling around hitting the mid-year mark, and the responses were… (drumroll please)…

Warmly,

The Social Therapist

💚 P.S. Find your green flags