- ABC of Mental Health
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- Forgiving Yourself
Hello! Welcome to another edition of the ABC of Mental Health, your weekly check-in for emotional well-being. This week, we’re exploring self-forgiveness—a practice that allows us to heal, grow, and move forward with self-compassion. We bring this to your inbox this Thursday to encourage gentleness with self.
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One relevant recommendation:
Reflective activity + video: A small activity that can be a good starting point—imagine a close friend confiding in you about a mistake they made. You likely wouldn’t shame them or dwell on their faults. Instead, you’d offer support, perspective, and kindness. Apply the same to yourself. When self-criticism arises, ask: “If a friend told me this, how would I respond?” This simple shift can help you cultivate self-compassion.
Additionally, watch the TED talk by Eileen Timmins, who shares examples about her own life, to start the process of self-forgiveness as a way of life.
Two Quotes on Forgiving Yourself and Others:
Maya Angelou, an American poet and civil rights activist, is quoted with
"Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it."
Dr. Kristin Neff, expert on self-compassion, highlights the importance of accepting our imperfections:
“Self-forgiveness is not about letting yourself off the hook—it’s about recognizing that making mistakes is part of being human. When we embrace our flaws with kindness, we open the door to learning and growth.”
Three TherapyShorts from TST
Guilt vs. Shame—The Key Distinction: Guilt can be useful when it leads to accountability, but lingering guilt keeps us stuck. Imagine you forgot a friend’s birthday. Guilt might say, I feel bad for forgetting—I'll reach out and make it right. Shame might say, I’m such a terrible friend. I always mess things up. Notice the difference? One leads to action, the other to self-punishment. Reflect: The last time I felt guilt or shame, how did I respond? Did I use it to learn, or did I turn against myself? What would a kinder response look like?
Perfectionism Can Keep You from Self-Forgiveness: If you feel like you can’t forgive yourself until you’ve “made up for” a mistake, ask yourself: Am I waiting to be perfect before I allow self-compassion? Holding yourself to impossible standards can keep you stuck. Many of us replay our mistakes over and over, thinking it will somehow undo them. Instead, shift the focus to self-compassion. If you’re struggling to forgive yourself, say: I did the best I could with what I knew then. I am learning, and I deserve kindness. This simple affirmation can help rewire self-critical thoughts.
Self-forgiveness is about accountability without self-punishment: Many people fear that forgiving themselves means letting themselves "off the hook." However, acknowledging the mistake, making amends if needed, allows for growth. For instance, Imagine you said something hurtful to a friend in a moment of frustration. Your inner critic might say, "I'm a terrible person. I don’t deserve forgiveness.” A more compassionate approach would be: “I regret what I said, and I’ll apologise. I want to be more mindful in the future.”
A QUESTION?
What stops you from forgiving yourself? Vote here!
Last week, we asked you what’s one mindful eating practice you’d like to try and the responses were… (drumroll please)…
Love and light,
The Social Therapist
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