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- How Do You Trust Again After Being Hurt?
Hello! Welcome to another edition of ABC of Mental Health, your partner in the journey to better mental health, one newsletter at a time.
Trust isn't usually lost all at once. It's chipped away, through broken promises, betrayal, being misunderstood, or repeatedly feeling like your needs didn't matter. And once it's gone, opening your heart again can feel less like hope and more like risk. If you've ever caught yourself thinking, "I don't know if I can go through that again," this edition is for you. We'll explore what trust really is, why it's so difficult to rebuild, and how healing doesn't require becoming fearless, it asks us to become a little more open, one small step at a time.
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One relevant recommendation:
The Trust Ladder (2 minute activity)
When we've been hurt, we often think trust is all-or-nothing: either I trust completely, or I don't trust at all. In reality, trust is built in small moments.
Draw a ladder and write one small action on each step.
For example:
Tell someone how your day really was.
Ask for help with something small.
Express a preference instead of saying "I'm okay with anything."
Let someone support you without apologizing.
Share something vulnerable with someone who has earned that privilege.
Trust doesn't begin with huge leaps, it begins with tiny experiences that remind your nervous system that not everyone is unsafe.
Two Quotes on Trust & Healing:
Brené Brown, researcher and author, reminds us that trust isn't built through grand gestures but through everyday consistency:
"Trust is built in very small moments."
Dr. Edith Eger, psychologist, reminds us that healing doesn't erase pain, it changes our relationship with it:
"Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life."
Three TherapyShorts from TST:
Sometimes You're Not Afraid of People, You're Afraid of the Feeling
One thing I often hear in therapy is, "I don't think I can trust anyone anymore." But as we explore it together, we usually discover it isn't people they're most afraid of, it's the possibility of feeling that heartbreak again. The fear isn't trust itself; it's the pain they remember. That shift can be incredibly freeing. Because if the fear is pain, then healing isn't about finding perfect people. It's about knowing you'll be able to care for yourself if life hurts again.
Trust Isn't Blind, It's Discernment
After being hurt, many people believe they have only two options: trust everyone or trust no one. Neither usually feels safe. Therapy often becomes a place to build something different: discernment. Instead of asking, "Can I trust them?" we begin asking, "Have they shown me they're trustworthy?" Healthy trust grows through consistency, accountability, respect, and repair, not chemistry, promises, or potential. You don't have to ignore red flags to prove you've healed.
Healing Doesn't Mean You'll Never Get Hurt Again
I wish I could promise every client that healing guarantees they'll never experience heartbreak again, but it doesn't. What healing does offer is something just as powerful: the confidence that you'll survive it differently. You'll recognize your needs sooner. You'll set boundaries earlier. You'll ask harder questions. And if someone lets you down, you won't abandon yourself trying to keep them. That's what recovery often looks like, not becoming impossible to hurt, but becoming someone who knows how to come home to themselves.
A QUICK QUESTION…
After you have been hurt, what feels the hardest? Vote here!
Last week, we asked you what helps you think more clearly about online information, and the responses were… (drumroll please)…
If you've been considering starting therapy, fill out this form (30 seconds), and we promise to take care of the rest.
With care and compassion,
The Social Therapist
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