How Helicopter Parenting Could've Impacted You?

Hello! Welcome to another edition of ABC of Mental Health, your partner in the journey to better mental health, one newsletter at a time.

Many parents hover because they care. They want to protect, guide, and prevent their children from getting hurt. But sometimes, when protection becomes overprotection, children miss out on something equally important: the chance to make mistakes, solve problems, and trust themselves. This week, we're exploring helicopter parenting, not to blame parents, but to understand how growing up with constant supervision or intervention might still be affecting your confidence, relationships, and decision-making today.

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One relevant recommendation:

The "Can I Trust Myself?" Reflection (3–5 minute activity) 

Take a moment to think about the last decision you made on your own.

Ask yourself:

• Did I feel confident making it?

• Did I immediately seek reassurance from someone else?

• Was I afraid of making the "wrong" choice?

• What would happen if I trusted myself just a little more?

If you notice self-doubt, try reminding yourself:

"I don't need to make the perfect decision. I just need to make the best decision I can with the information I have right now."

Self-trust grows through practice, not certainty.

Two Quotes on Growth & Independence:

Alfie Kohn, author and parenting expert, reminds us that resilience develops when children are allowed to navigate challenges:

"Children learn how to make good decisions by making decisions, not by following directions."

Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult, emphasizes the importance of allowing children to develop confidence through independence:

"Our job as parents is not to protect our kids from life, but to prepare them for it."

Three TherapyShorts from TST:

1. "What If I Make The Wrong Choice?"

   One pattern I frequently notice in therapy is how difficult decision-making can feel for adults who grew up with highly involved parents. Clients often tell me they spend days overthinking choices, seeking reassurance from multiple people, or worrying they'll make a mistake. Sometimes, this isn't because they're incapable, it's because they rarely got the chance to practice trusting themselves. When someone has always stepped in to guide, correct, or decide for you, uncertainty can feel terrifying. Learning self-trust often starts with making small decisions and allowing yourself to survive imperfection.

2. Failure Wasn't An Option, So Now It Feels Catastrophic

   Many clients who grew up with helicopter parenting describe feeling intense anxiety around mistakes. A poor grade, a difficult conversation, or a setback at work can trigger overwhelming self-criticism. Often, this comes from growing up in environments where parents rushed to prevent discomfort or solve problems before they happened. While the intention was love, the message sometimes became: mistakes are dangerous. In therapy, we often work on reframing failure, not as proof of inadequacy, but as evidence that you're learning, growing, and doing something new.

3. Independence Can Feel Surprisingly Uncomfortable

   One of the more subtle impacts of helicopter parenting is that freedom can feel overwhelming. I've had clients tell me they always feel like they need permission, approval, or validation before taking action. Even when nobody is controlling them anymore, the internal voice remains.For example, choosing a job, booking a trip, or even buying something for yourself can feel oddly anxiety-provoking because there's no one reassuring you that you're making the "right" choice. Autonomy isn’t always feeling certain or avoiding discomfort entirely. It’s choosing anyway, and letting each choice become evidence that you can trust yourself.

A QUICK QUESTION…

When faced with an important decision, what do you tend to do first? Vote here!

Last week, we asked you what you most relate to when you think about difficulties with attention and focus, and the responses were… (drumroll please)…

If you've been considering starting therapy, fill out this form (30 seconds), and we promise to take care of the rest.

With care and compassion,

The Social Therapist

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