How to Exist Loudly (esp when you’ve been told to shrink)

Hello! Welcome to another edition of ABC of Mental Health, your partner in the journey to better well-being. Have you ever said “yes” when you wanted to say “no”, or stayed quiet even though something inside you wanted to speak? Many of us learn to shrink ourselves for safety or belonging. Taking up space is the practice of choosing authenticity over silence, and it can change the way we live, love, and connect.

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One relevant recommendation:

"The Body Is Not an Apology" – Book by Sonya Renee Taylor

This book invites us to rethink the stories we’ve inherited about worth, beauty, and belonging. Taylor shows us how radical self-love is not simply about feeling good in our bodies – it is about taking up space by dismantling systems that teach us to shrink, compare, or doubt ourselves. It's an insightful read for anyone who is looking to unapologetically be themselves. 

Two Quotes on Safety & Connection:

Shannon L. Alder, inspirational author and rehabilitation therapist, feels that:

“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.”

Audre Lorde, poet and activist, on claiming presence:

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”

Three TherapyShorts from TST

1. Notice when you shrink

   Pay attention to small moments you make yourself “smaller” – apologizing for existing, softening your voice, avoiding eye contact, or hesitating to share your needs. Choose one small moment today to voice a preference, idea, or boundary, without overexplaining. Gently ask yourself: “What would it feel like to take up just 1% more space here?”

2. Practice embodied expansion

   Many of us shrink – hunched shoulders, crossed arms, quiet voices, minimizing ourselves in social or professional spaces. Over time, it shifts from being a posture to a pattern of living small. Expansion in the body can become expansion in how you show up with others. Try a simple exercise: stand, place your feet firmly on the ground, lift your shoulders back, take a deep breath, and let your arms stretch outward. 
   

3. Use your voice as presence

   Choose one small moment today to voice a preference, idea, or boundary – without overexplaining. It could sound like: “I’d like to sit near the window,” or “I need a few minutes before we start.” Naming what you need is an act of taking up space in relationships, even a therapeutic relationship. In therapy, it could look like telling your therapist if you feel unheard, asking to slow down, or bringing up a topic that feels messy or unfinished. 

A QUICK QUESTION…

When you walk into a room full of people, what is your usual body language? Vote here!

Last week, we asked what you do when someone gets emotionally close to you, and the responses were… (drumroll please)…

With care and compassion,

The Social Therapist

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