Making self-care feel less heavy

Hello! Welcome to another edition of ABC of Mental Health, your partner in the journey to better mental health, one newsletter at a time.

Somewhere along the way, self-care became another thing to get right. Wake up early. Meditate. Journal. Exercise. Eat clean. When you’re already overwhelmed, even “taking care of yourself” can feel exhausting. If self-care feels like pressure, it’s no longer care, it's performance. This edition invites you to soften the rules, listen to your nervous system, and rethink self-care as relief rather than responsibility.

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One relevant recommendation:

The 3 Question Reset (1-minute activity)

When self-care feels heavy, pause and ask:

1. What feels hardest right now, in my body or mind?

2. What would make this moment 10% easier? (Not perfect, just easier.)

3. What can I remove instead of add?

This brief reset shifts self-care from “more effort” to “less strain,” helping your nervous system feel supported rather than managed.

Two Quotes on Self-care and Rest:

Audre Lorde, writer and activist, speaks how self care is self-preservation:

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.”

Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry, talks about self-care in a capitalist world:

“The Rest Is Resistance framework also does not believe in the toxic idea that we are resting to recharge and rejuvenate so we can be prepared to give more output to capitalism… Our drive and obsession to always be in a state of “productivity” leads us to the path of exhaustion, guilt, and shame. We falsely believe we are not doing enough and that we must always be guiding our lives toward more labor. The distinction that must be repeated as many times as necessary is this: We are not resting to be productive. We are resting simply because it is our divine right to do so.”

Three TherapyShorts from TST:

1. When Self-Care Becomes Performance
   If your self-care checklist leaves you feeling behind, something’s off. Care isn’t meant to be impressive or Instagramable; it’s meant to reduce load. When practices become rigid rules like, “I should meditate” or “I must journal” activate the same pressure they’re meant to soothe. That’s not a personal failure; it’s a mismatch. Self-care works when it adapts to your capacity, not when you force yourself to adapt to it. If a practice feels heavy today, it’s okay to pause it. Care should meet you where you are, not ask you to become someone else first.

2. Less Is Often More Regulating

   We often assume feeling better requires doing more. But nervous systems calm through simplicity and predictability. Sometimes the most regulating choice is cancelling a plan, lying down without scrolling, or choosing the easiest option available. Micro-care counts: a glass of water, a stretch, a slow exhale. These small actions send a powerful message of safety. If you’re exhausted, the goal isn’t optimisation, it’s relief. Doing less isn’t giving up; it’s conserving energy so you can actually receive care.

3. Real Self-Care Is Responsive, Not Prescriptive
   Self-care isn’t a fixed routine; it’s a relationship. What helps one day may overwhelm the next. Listening means asking “what do I need right now” rather than “what should I be doing?” Some days that answer is movement; other days it’s stillness. Care becomes sustainable when it responds to signals instead of schedules. When you choose responsiveness over rigidity, self-care stops feeling like another task and starts feeling like support.

A QUICK QUESTION…

When self-care feels hard, what usually gets in the way? Vote here!

Last week, we asked you what was your attachment style in your relationships, and the responses were… (drumroll please)…

With care and compassion,

The Social Therapist

P.S.: Self care is self love!

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