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- Self-Aware, Yet Still Stuck
Hello! Welcome to another edition of ABC of Mental Health, your partner in the journey to better mental health, one newsletter at a time.
I know why I do this… so then why can’t I stop?
Self-awareness is often seen as the goal, and while awareness is powerful, it doesn’t automatically create change. You can understand your behaviour deeply and still feel stuck in it. Because insight speaks to the mind, but change also involves the body, the nervous system, timing, safety, and repetition. Let’s explore why awareness alone sometimes isn’t enough and what helps get un-stuck in real time.
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One relevant recommendation:
The “Name → Need → Next Step” Practice
When you catch yourself in a familiar pattern:
Name it: What’s happening right now? (e.g., “I’m procrastinating,” “I’m overthinking.”)
Identify the need: What might this part of me be needing? (rest, clarity, reassurance, space)
Choose a next step: NOT a fix, just a supportive shift (drink water, break the task, step away, message someone)
This bridges awareness into action.
Two Quotes on Awareness and Change:
Carl Rogers, an American psychologist, highlights how acceptance is often the starting point of real transformation:
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Judson Brewer, a psychiatrist, emphasises curiosity as a more effective pathway to change than self-criticism:
"The key to changing habits is curiosity, not judgement."
Three TherapyShorts from TST:
Knowing vs Feeling: When Insight Stays in the Head
You can explain your patterns clearly: why you react, what you fear, where it comes from and still feel unchanged. This is where insight turns into intellectualisation: understanding without emotional contact. This is not a failure; it’s often protection. Feeling something fully can be overwhelming, so the mind steps in to analyse instead. But change doesn’t happen through explanation alone; it happens when the body and emotions are allowed to catch up. Try asking: Do I understand this, or have I actually felt it? Sometimes the next step isn’t more insight; it’s creating enough safety to experience what’s underneath it.
Sometimes You’re Not Stuck but You’re Protecting Yourself
What feels like “stuck” can often be a form of protection. Avoidance, procrastination, overthinking, shutting down – these are not random behaviours. They serve a purpose. They reduce discomfort, prevent risk, or keep you within familiar territory. Even if they no longer help, they once did. Trying to force yourself out of them can create more resistance. Instead, approach with curiosity: What is this pattern trying to protect me from? When you understand the protection, you can begin to offer your system a safer alternative.
Change Needs Repetition, Not Realisation
A moment of clarity can feel powerful, like everything makes sense. But change doesn’t happen in that moment. It happens in the quiet, repeated choices that follow. One different response. One pause. One small shift, done again and again. The brain learns through repetition, not insight. This is why you may “know better” but still do the same thing; the new pathway hasn’t been practised enough yet. Change isn’t a breakthrough moment; it’s a series of small returns. Each time you try differently, even slightly, you are building something new.
A QUICK QUESTION…
When it comes to your patterns right now, it feels most like: Vote here!
Last week, we asked you what makes you feel most connected to others, and the responses were… (drumroll please)…
If you've been considering starting therapy, fill out this form (30 seconds), and we promise to take care of the rest.
With care and compassion,
The Social Therapist
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