The Truth No One Tells You About Being the Strong One

Welcome back to The ABC of Mental Health, your weekly reminder that you don’t have to do it all alone—even if you’ve spent your life trying to. This week, we’re shining a light on something many of us silently relate to: being the “strong one”. You know—the reliable friend, the calm sibling, the high-functioning colleague. The one who “has it together”.

But what happens when being strong becomes a mask? When your needs go unnoticed—by others and by yourself? Let’s talk about the emotional weight of strength—and why it’s okay to put it down sometimes.

Feeling seen? Forward this to another “strong one” in your life via WhatsApp. Sometimes we all need a reminder that it's okay to be held too.

One relevant recommendation:

Build a “Soft Space” Practice
If you’re used to being the strong one, give yourself permission to soften. That could be a journaling ritual where you drop the mask or a 10-minute lie-down where you don’t perform, plan, or provide. Think of it as muscle recovery for your emotional self.

This week: Schedule one non-doing moment where you’re not responsible for anyone but you.

Two Quotes on Vulnerability and Rest:

Brené Brown, researcher and author on vulnerability:
“You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”

Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry:
“Rest is resistance. We will not be manipulated by grind culture. We will rest.”

Three TherapyShorts from TST

1. Being Strong Doesn’t Mean You’re Okay
   I’ve worked with many clients who say, “Everyone thinks I’m fine.” They carry careers, families, and emotional loads—but inside, they feel invisible. Just because someone isn’t falling apart doesn’t mean they’re not carrying a lot. A male client once shared how he’s the “go-to” person at work and home—fixing things, calming people down. “But no one asks me if I’m okay,” he admitted. His calm exterior masked deep anxiety. In therapy, we explored what it’s like to hold space for everyone without abandoning yourself. Strength isn't the absence of struggle—it’s often the quiet presence of endurance.
   

2. Your Needs Are Not a Burden
   The “strong one” often internalises the belief that expressing needs = weakness. One client shared how she only allowed herself to cry in the shower so no one would worry. Especially for women raised to be caregivers, expressing need can feel selfish. But it’s not. Therapy helped her realise that her needs deserve space, not suppression. Strength includes vulnerability, not exclusion of it.
   

3. Let People Show Up for You Too
   You’ve been the helper, the fixer, and the emotional anchor. But what if letting others support you is its own kind of strength? A client once said, “I didn’t know how tired I was until someone offered to just listen.” This week, try something simple: say “yes” to help. Or tell a trusted friend, “I could use some support today.” Let the balance return.

A QUESTION?

The hardest part of being the “strong” one is… 
Vote here!

Last week, we asked you your emotional battery runs out fastest when, and the responses were… (drumroll please)…

Love and light,

The Social Therapist

PS: You’re beautiful

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