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- Why Perfectionism is Holding You Back
Hello! Welcome to another edition of the ABC of Mental Health, your partner in the journey to better mental health — one newsletter at a time. This week’s theme is Why Perfectionism is Holding You Back. We bring it to your inbox this Thursday to make your Thursday a little therapeutic!
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One relevant recommendation:
The above is a TED talk by Thomas Curran explaining how our dangerous obsession with perfectionism is getting worse. He explores the growing issue of perfectionism in modern society, examining its causes, consequences, and potential solutions.
Two quotes on Vulnerability and Excellence:
Brené Brown, a renowned researcher of vulnerability, empathy and courage states:
"Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimise or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.”
Harriet Braiker, a clinical psychologist and author asserts that:
"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralising.”
Three TherapyShorts from TST (on men’s mental health)
Perfectionism as a trauma-response: Perfectionism often starts as a way to protect ourselves from emotional pain, especially if one has experienced adverse childhood events such as constant criticism, neglect, or inconsistent support from caregivers during their childhood. Striving to be perfect can often stem from a place of fear of being inadequate. We begin to crave perfection to provide our false sense of safety and feel like we are in control by minimising the chances of further hurt. Think about times when you feel the need to be perfect. What are you most afraid of in those moments?
Need for perfection is strengthened by a capitalist society: In a capitalist society, there is a strong emphasis on being the best, achieving the highest standards, and constantly improving. This creates an environment where people feel pressured to be perfect in their work, appearance, and personal achievements and feel shame when unable to meet this pressure. Marketing and advertising constantly showcase idealised versions of life, suggesting that perfection is attainable through buying the right products or adopting certain lifestyles. This perpetuates the belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable.
The antidote to perfectionism: Self-compassion can be a powerful antidote to shame. It doesn’t require us to be perfect, or great, or to hold up a mask and only show others the good parts. Instead, it focuses on making room for us to be human. Broken, imperfect humans who bungle things up sometimes. Self-compassion says, “Yes, you mess things up. You’re in pain and struggle. And you deserve kindness in that.” Think of a time when your closest friend made a mistake. How did you respond to them? How can you extend that same level of compassion to yourself when you make a mistake or fall short of your expectations?
A QUESTION?
When striving for perfection, what area of your life do you feel the most pressure to excel in?
Work/Career
Academics/Studies
Personal Appearance
Relationships
LAST WEEK’S RESPONSE
There is a growing number of people actively seeking help from mental health professionals, especially in the 18-35 year range. Younger persons (<18 y/o) still prefer going to friends, while older individuals (>36 y/o) prefer reaching out to mentors in the field. What do you think? We always want to hear from you :)
Love and light,
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