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- You’re Not Broken—It’s Just Shame Talking
Hello! Welcome to another edition of The ABC of Mental Health —your companion for slow healing, small wins, and soft but steady growth. This week, we’re talking about something that shows up in almost every therapy session (even when it hides behind other words): "There must be something wrong with me."
Maybe you’ve thought it after getting emotional “for no reason.” Or when your brain won’t stop spiraling. Or when that one comment stings more than it “should.” But here’s the truth: You’re not broken. That’s just shame talking. And shame’s voice? It's sneaky, convincing, and rarely ever true.
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On e relevant recommendation:
Watch: “You’re Not Too Much” (45-second reel)
The article explores the emotional push-pull many people experience in relationships, especially those with a history of abandonment, neglect, or emotional unpredictability. It unpacks why closeness can feel both deeply desired and terrifying at the same time. It offers insights into why fear often shows up just as connection deepens, and protects us against rejection. It's a must-read for anyone who has ever felt "too much" or "too distant" in love.
Two Quotes on Shame & Self-Compassion:
Kristin Neff, self-compassion researcher, on treating yourself like someone you care about:
“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give a good friend.”
Brené Brown, researcher and storyteller, on the power of naming shame:
“Shame hates it when we speak it. It can't survive being shared.”
Three TherapyShorts from TST
Shame Isn’t the Truth—It’s the Trigger
Shame often shows up as self-talk that sounds certain: “You’re not good enough. No one actually likes you.” But this isn’t the truth—it’s an alarm bell. Shame gets loud when you’re activated or vulnerable. It’s trying to protect you by pulling you inward, making you invisible. Instead of believing it, pause and ask: “What just got triggered?” Was it rejection? Embarrassment? Fear of failure? When you name the emotion behind the shame, you shift from self-blame to self-understanding—and that’s a huge step toward healing.
You Didn’t Make This Up—You Learned It
Most of our shame stories aren’t random. They were shaped by our environments: critical caregivers, unrealistic cultural expectations, childhood neglect, or unspoken family rules (“Don’t cry.” “Don’t need too much.” ). If you internalized the idea that your needs or feelings were “wrong,” it makes sense why you now second-guess your worth. But you weren’t the problem—you were in a space that didn’t know how to hold you. And that belief? It’s still running. The good news? Once you see shame as something you learned , it’s something you can unlearn, too.
Healing Requires Self-Acceptance, Not Self-Fixing
Shame whispers that you need to change to be lovable. That you have to be “better” before you're worthy of connection. But healing doesn’t come from fixing yourself—it comes from accepting yourself where you are. This doesn’t mean you won’t grow. It means your worth isn’t dependent on your progress. Try this small practice: next time you’re spiraling, put your hand over your heart and say, “I’m allowed to be struggling. And I’m still enough.” It might feel cheesy. But it’s exactly what shame doesn’t want you to believe.
A QUICK QUESTION…
Which of these thoughts does shame sneakily plant in your mind the most? Vote here!
Last week, we asked about what you do when you feel overwhelmed in relationships, and the responses were… (drumroll please)…
With care and compassion,
The Social Therapist
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